I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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