Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
