So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
