Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
