I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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