i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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