Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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