Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize