I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
