I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My liver just broke up with me...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Never underestimate the power of titties
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
