That's intense
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
