Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
