Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
