these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
