1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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