nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
