If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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