vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
