Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize