My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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