I'm going to jail i love you
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
