Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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