My friends, they love my intelligence
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
