Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
