OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
