Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
