Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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