You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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