I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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