So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
