Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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