life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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