i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize