tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
