make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
