please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
