Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
