ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize