he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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