Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
