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there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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