He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
