watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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