You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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