Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
