Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
