he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
