I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
