I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
