Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize