i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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