Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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