hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
