Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
