Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
