What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
