we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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