I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
