I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
