Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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