If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he shaved USA in his pubs
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
