Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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