He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
no more duck duck goose at the bar
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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