woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
