In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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