there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
