She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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