I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
