i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
