it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
