dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
