i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
