oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
