we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
tonight lets celebrate not being married
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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