your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
