Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
