Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize