I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
