I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
