i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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