if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
