no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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