im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
