the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
