There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
