chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I had to cum in my sink.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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