She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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