i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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