Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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