He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ugly people sure do ruin things
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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