I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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