when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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