you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
